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The Clusterf**k: 2014 NFL Mock Draft, Version 2

Coming at you like a button from a 70s sequined shirt worn by a fat guy, here’s version 2 of the Mock Draft.  I decided to call it “The Clusterfuck” since, let’s face it, by 8:30 PM EST, this will be a complete and total waste.  I expect deals and moves, but I don’t know them any more than Mel Kiper, Todd McShay or any of the 100,000 other draft experts.  So, in other words, let’s not take any of this seriously!

With all that said….let’s get to mocking!

1. HOU:    Jadaveon Clowney, DE South Carolina

The Aggie fans may demand Johnny Football. Atlanta may make a late push to move up, but Houston will demand a high price. End result: Clowney and Watt lined up in the fall to face Andrew Luck in the fall and Texans fans hoping that he does this to Luck:

2. ATL:    Khalil Mack, OLB Buffalo (From WAS) *

But fret not, Falcons fans (you are out there, right?).  Dimitroff leaps up and takes the second best defensive prospect in the draft to help add a pass rushing element to the Falcons’ D.  It’ll cost them a pretty price to be sure, but the Falcons won’t care.

3. JAC:    Sammy Watkins, WR Buffalo

The Jags will have plenty of options at this spot. The best QB prospect? The best offensive tackle?  Whichever of Mack or Watkins if they drop? Let’s go with Watkins given that Justin Blackmon’s situation is up in the air for right now.  The Jags could always look to add a QB at the top of Round 2.

4. CLE:    Blake Bortles, QB Central Florida

Why Blake Bortles over Johnny Manziel?

2014 NFL Draft 2 - Zoidberg

Truth be told, Manziel will be intriguing, but Bortles is the prototypical QB that every scout and coach salivates over.  So when in doubt, bet on them taking the safe bet.

5. OAK:    Greg Robinson, OT Auburn

We KNOW the Raiders tried to sign Rams LT Rodger Saffold before cancelling the deal.  We KNOW they need o-line help and Robinson is the kind of physical freak they are known to love. We also KNOW that the Raiders NEVER EVER EVER do what’s expected of them. Nice way of saying “Who the fuck knows?!”

6. STL:    Jake Matthews, OT Texas A&M *

So the Rams trade down, hoover up even more draft picks and somehow end up with one of the best o-linemen in the Draft? At some point, they may consider Sam Bradford’s role with the team, but right now, it’s about helping him.

7. TB:    Mike Evans, WR Texas A&M

The Bucs have Vincent Jackson and not much else at WR. Evans could conceivably go higher than this and there’s talk of him being on equal footing with Watkins. But Tampa has to be happy if he’s there as they could avoid the dilemma of drafting a QB this high.

8. MIN:    Derek Carr, QB Fresno State

Another QB drafted and it’s not Johnny Footbawl? Uh oh.  Minnesota may take him, but it’s tough to see new head coach Mike Zimmer picking the flashy Manziel over Carr who has spent the last month rising up draft boards.  They need a QB. This is known.  It is known.

9. BUF:    Taylor Lewan, OT Michigan

There’s rumors of the Bills maybe moving up in the Draft for Clowney.  My question would be: Why?  They’re not one player away.  They need help along the offensive line, replacing Jairus Byrd and adding more weapons for EJ Manuel.  Lewan is the third of the big offensive tackles in the Draft and a safe choice here.

10.MIA:    Zack Martin, OT Notre Dame ^

The Dolphins’ 2013-14 can be summed up in two words: bullied offensive line.  They’ve traded for Kansas City’s Branden Albert, but they still need more help there.  And after Martin, there’s a drop off on o-line prospects.  If you want him Miami, you gonna have to come up and get him.

11.SF:    Odell Beckham Jr, WR Louisiana State +

2014 NFL Draft 2 - Jaws Drop

San Francisco has the ammunition to make this leap and there’s lots and lots of teams looking at OBJ with covetous eyes.  Not only is he a threat in the passing game but in the kick and punt return parts of special teams.  The NFC West is an arms race and the Niners want to load up for battle.

12.NYG:    Eric Ebron, TE North Carolina

Eli Manning was horrible last year, leading the league in INTs like he was Mark Sanchez.  There’s two ways to fix that: improve his line and give him a safety blanket.  The Giants have four linemen in free agency – including our pal, Charlie Brown.  But Eli was at his best when he had a good TE to pass to – whether Shockey or Boss.  Ebron is the highest rated TE and he could be that for Eli.

13.STL:    Hasean Clinton-Dix, S Alabama

If Juan Encarnacion Futbol is still here, there might be some rumors drummed up of teams moving up to get him.  Like I said above, Rams could use a Plan B to perennially-injured Sam Bradford.  But they could also use more playmakers on defense given they gotta face the Seahawks, Niners and Cardinals every year.

14.CHI:    Aaron Donald, DT Pittsburgh

He said not to take him.  He said let him slide on by.  But the Bears’ d-line needs talent and Donald has shown up as the best interior d-line prospect.  If he’s not there, the Bears could look at Louis Nix or some other defensive talent as they need to shore up that side of the ball.

15.PIT:    Justin Gilbert, CB Oklahoma State

The Steelers are rarely the type to move up for a talent. They’d rather let whoever falls into their laps be their pick.  So is the case here with Gilbert who fills a need after the Steelers cut Ryan Clark.  If Beckham or Evans were to somehow slip this late, they might be tempted, but otherwise expect CB to be the call.

16.DAL:    CJ Mosley, ILB Alabama

2014 NFL Draft 2 - They Lied

Everyone is now certain that Tovarisch Ivan Futball is the apple of Jerry Jones’ eye and that, should he fall this far, he’ll be their pick.  Because Tony Romo loves to Tony Romo come December and the playoffs.   But remember last season how, after Sean Lee was injured, their defense came apart? Yeah, they’ve needs elsewhere and Mosley could be the QB of the defense for the future.

17.PHI:    Brandin Cooks, WR Oregon State #

The Iggles let go of Desean Jackson and, with the way WRs are going, they may not have much choice when it gets to be their turn.  So make a small trade and move up to get the speedy Cooks who, in Chip Kelly’s offense, should thrive.

18.NYJ:    Johnny Manziel, QB Texas A&M

Haha! I know right?  The Jets are after offensive talents to help shore up a weak attack.  But here sits glamorous Masato Sakka himself, waiting for someone to take him; a one-man offense.  And the Jets sit there with what’s left of Mike Vick, Geno Smith’s poor 2013 film, someone named Matt Simms and a bill for the hats of David Garrard as their QBs.  This is the Jets.  They won’t be able to help themselves.

19.DET:    Darqueze Dennard, CB Michigan State ^

Trading down will help the Lions better make a decision to shore up their defensive backfield, which they need to given how poor their passing defense was.  And on top of that, they take a local talent who shined in the Rose Bowl.  We’ll say nothing of the last Spartan to wear Lions’ colors.

20.ARI:    Teddy Bridgewater, QB Louisville

The year began with Bridgewater as a contender for #1 overall and all he’s done is work himself right out of that status.  Many have him falling all the way down to the third round.  But he’s still the same QB who had almost 4,000 passing yards and 31 TDs to only 4 INTs. Arizona needs a long-term solution to the QB spot and may be glad he’s had such a hell of a time.

21.GB:    Louis Nix III, DT Notre Dame

The Pack had the 25th-ranked defense last year. Some of that was injuries but the need at all three levels of the defense is obvious.  While they brought back B.J. Raji at a cut-rate deal, they could use more help up front and Nix could be the kind of player they use.  Don’t discount Calvin Pryor either.

22.BAL: Morgan Moses, OT Virginia #

The trade down by the Ravens does give them a chance at taking their choice of the next best o-line talents as, in case you haven’t noticed, Michael Oher needs replacing.  Moses has risen up the draft boards recently and it’s between him and Bitonio as to who goes next.

23.KC:    Ra’Shede Hageman, DT Minnesota

Andy Reid has one mantra in the first round: Draft linemen. Don’t matter if it’s offensive or defensive.  He prefers the big guys first.  Good thing is that he has needs there and Hageman sits there to fill the Tyson Jackson-hole in his defensive line.  And because you haven’t seen LSUFreek’s masterpiece in a while:

24.CIN:    Anthony Barr, OLB UCLA

It’s going to be interesting to see how the Bengals’ D adapts to the loss of DC Mike Zimmer, who was as beloved as he was respected there.  They also do need to replace pass rusher Michael Johnson.  Barr was up high a few months back and his pass rushing skills could be used to replace him.

25.SD:    Calvin Pryor, S Louisville

The Chargers had the 29th-ranked passing defense and they still managed to win 9 games and sneak into the playoffs.  That doesn’t mean they shouldn’t look to shore it up.  Pryor is highly-rated and could go ahead of Clinton-Dix in some teams’ boards.

26.CLE:    Marqise Lee, WR Southern Cal (From IND)

Having taken their QB of the future in Bortles at #4, the Browns are free to use the pick they got for Trent Richardson any way they’d like.  Offensive line help.  Another DB.  But what about giving Bortles a weapon given they’ve lost Josh Cribbs? Lee would have gone higher if he’d been in last year’s Draft, but a poor season due to injuries hurt him.

27.NO:    Kyle Fuller, CB Virginia Tech

2014 NFL Draft 2 - Rob Ryan

The turnaround the Saints’ defense had last year was nothing short of miraculous.  Rob Ryan became the toast of the town and the team was back to winning ways.  As things stand, they could do worse than land Fuller.  After Keenan Lewis and Champ Bailey, there’s young Corey White, Patrick Robinson, who’s returning from injury, and a lot of practice squad guys in the CB depth chart.  So adding talent and depth to a unit that was hurt last year is key.

28.CAR:    Kelvin Benjamin, WR Florida State

Everyone knows by now that the Panthers have parted ways with their top 4 receivers from last year.  So even though there’s needs elsewhere, they have to add more versatility and talent.  Benjamin appears raw but he’s fast and was part of a title-winning Seminole team. If he can become Cam Newton’s deep threat, they’ll be happy.

29.NE:    Jace Amaro, TE Texas A&M

The Patriots never do what anyone expects.  But two years ago, their offense was centered on Rob Gronkowski’s and Aaron Hernandez’s skills at TE.  Gronk spent last year battling injuries and Hernandez has been a resident of the Commonwealth for almost a year now.  So taking a chance on the second best TE in the Draft isn’t that crazy. Tom Brady needs help after all.

30.TEN:    Jimmy Garoppolo, QB Eastern Illinois +

Trading down this far means the Titans may miss out on the top talents, but they likely would be happy to end up with the bevy of picks they’ll collect and the high-rising Garoppolo as a consolation prize.  With new head coach Ken Whisenhunt in charge, they may look at Jake Locker’s injury record and consider it time to bring some competition.

31.DEN:    Jason Verrett, CB Texas Christian

Things must still sting in the Mile High City after that Super Bowl debacle.  Glad to know I wasn’t the only one who got burned.  They’ve gone about rebuilding their defense and added Aqib Talib on the first day of Free Agency helps.  That said, they could do worse than look for more depth and help and Verrett has a lot of the tools and the motor needed.

32.SEA:    Cody Lattimer, WR Indiana

The Super Bowl Champs just signed Richard Sherman to a long-term deal in what will be the first of many that will look for big money deals.  They may look to add more depth to that defense just in case they have to make serious cuts in the future.  But for right now, they opt to add some more offensive help for Russell Wilson in the high-rising Lattimer who becomes a need after losing Sidney Rice.

There you go. Mock away! And remember, there’s a good chance Todd McShay may be high by the end of the night!

2014 NFL Draft 2 - McShay High

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